If using the title of “How to make out with a girl” doesn’t garner me at least a few dozen hits from Google, I don’t know what will — and frankly, getting a few extra hits by pre-adolescent, love-starved boys will do wonders for my target demographic, don’t you think?

mack attack

For example, the technique of yawning and subtly placing one’s arm around the lady is not at all dead in this day and age […] but the author still recommends a look at The Little Mermaid in order to see a visual demonstration of the [correct way to smooch].

I recently stumbled across a fellow blogger who’s most recent post caught my interest. This young lady has devoted an entire guide to outlining the correct algorithm you should apply in order to succesfully snog that special guy/girl you’ve been, like, totally crushing on (in Ms. Henry’s grade 9 Geography class no less!). In fact, in order to make things completely believable, she’s taken the liberty of sprinkling cute *giggles* and smiley faces all over the place.

Oh god.

It’s amusing how many true nuggets of wisdom the author drops in the process of writing her little step-by-step. From this little gem of a guide, I’ve already learnt that, for example, the technique of yawning and subtly placing one’s arm around the lady is not at all dead in this day and age. I’d like to say I’m more experienced with these sort of affairs now that I’m older, but the author still recommends I take a look at The Little Mermaid in order to see a visual demonstration of the coveted technique.

The author is a modest gal, going so far as to admit that “girls […] don’t even understand [themselves] half the time”, and warns the reader that her guide is not the be-all-and-end-all teenagers are so desperately looking for:

“If you wanna make out with a girl, then just do it or ask your buddy for pointers or tips cause my blog and me probably won’t be able to help you much *giggles*.”

An excellent suggestion, honey. The next time I’m holed up in the locker room with a couple of my mates, I’ll be sure to pop the question, “Yo Frank. Can you show me how to make out?”

Then I’ll hastily gather my gear with one hand, double check the towel is properly obscuring my derriere, and run for dear life.