Today, instead of being a good math geek, I decided to skip my lectures and instead spend half a day exploring Casa Loma — literally ‘House on the Hill’.

It’s certainly a lovely and very majestic locale, but unfortunately the dozens of tourists and crowds of whiny children with icky fingers ruined the experiece for me.

There’s a food court in the basement of the building (somehow, I doubt very much Sir Henry Pellatt intended a McDonalds to be built within the confines of his castle), and the obligatory signs and brochures on the higher levels of the castle. It’s an odd study in contrasts — the feeling of being in a historical and grandiose location constantly clashing with the modern sell-out feeling of being in a tourist attraction.

And dude, they charged me $2 for a bottle of water. Bastards ripped me off.

Later on, I spotted a girl wearing a Casa Loma t-shirt and sitting dejectedly on one of the benches in the rear gardens. The following conversation ensued:

“Hi, do you work here?”

She looked up and feigned what I could only imagine was the most cheerful smile she could muster in her present state. “I sure do.”

“Why is it that all the staff here look so depressed?”

It was true. I had spotted at least half a dozen employees within the castle who looked like they were in need of some serious booze. Or at the very least, a good sobbing.

“Oh. You don’t wanna know.”

“Sure I do.”

“It’s just the long days, y’know? And the stupid questions we get.”

“What stupid questions?”

“Like, everyday I get a handful of people who ask me if our audio [tour] cassettes are available in American.”

I laughed. “And what do you say?”

She looked at me, flashed her well-rehearsed Casa Loma smile, and said deadpan, “I’m sorry, we don’t carry those. Will English work?”