2 months ago

‘Clear your calendar for the last Saturday of August’, said my mum in Vietnamese, ‘One of our friends is hosting a party.’

‘Our friends?’ I asked, outraged, ‘you mean one of your friends is hosting the party. And you want me to tag along.’

‘The children will be there, of course’, my mum explained as if I was 10 years old, ‘And they’re your friends.’

‘No. They’re not my friends. They’re children of your friends. Why should I come to a party I have no affiliation with just so I can babysit the other kids while the parents compete in some twisted contest to one-up each other in determining which particular offspring has accomplished the most since the last time they — ‘

‘You’re coming. Clear your calendar. No work. No going out. One day.’

That’s the thing with Asian families, y’know? They throw god awful parties that are attended not only by the intended group of friends, but by their fucking extended families as well. It’s like those giant Greek parties in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but with no Greeks in sight. And with a helluva lot of karaoke.

There’s simply no way I was getting out of this one. I was fucking doomed.