Dreams are funny things. Sometimes you have a good one. Nay, a great one.

One with a really hot babe.

But then you wake up and can’t for the life of you remember what the dream was about. You can’t remember who the chick was. What she looked like. Or how the hell she fit into the story. Though plot development was probably of minor importance.

And so you sit there, with your green puffy duvet over your feet, staring up at the ceiling, and trying desperately to hang on to…what was it you were dreaming about…? The harder you think about it, the more the foggy memories slip away.

All I remember is that it was good. And not about school. And not about math.

And that, folks, is a dream worth remembering.

Mark Burnett has perhaps breathed new life into his pet project, Survivor. The show was initially a riveting social experiment in its first few seasons but has slowly diminished in popularity the last few years. But Mark has a plan.

Next season, Survivor: Cook Islands will divide its contestants into four teams: Asian, White, Black, and Hispanic.

Whoa. Bitches.

Now the shit’s already hit the blogosphere, and everywhere I look I see the masses complaining about how much of a faux pas this was by the CBS producers. Cries of racial discrimination. Cries of the end of Survivor as we know it.

What? Are you fucking mad?

The mere fact that the blogosphere has gone apeshit over this announcement means that the producers are getting exactly what they want. Controversy and politically incorrect behaviour drive ratings.

That’s why a show portraying the life of a geeky pubescent mathematician patrolling the school hallways for math crimes will never pan out.

That’s why stupid shows like The O.C. are so successful. Because without a healthy dose of teenage angst, sex, skinny Misha Bartons, and white Chino kids punching rich water polo jerks, why would anyone bother tuning in?

Take my word for this. Half the world will be watching just to see how many racial stereotypes Mark Burnett can catch on camera.

I don’t like to link to other people’s posts. Because then all my faithful, Phil-loving fans will realize that there are plenty of more interesting reads out there than my own. Funnier reads. Reads that will have you howling with laughter. Reads that will have you peeing in a jar.

Reads like this one.

I can’t stand kids.

I’m annoyed at everything they stand for, from grubby icky fingers to constant complaining and endless whining. I don’t know why, but children bring out the worst in me. I just can’t stand their fucking mess.

But much, much worse is the idea that I might’ve been one of those whiny little shits at one point in my life.

At least you’d think so, wouldn’t you?

But see, I found a way around it. The theory is that I was born in a test tube at 16 years of age. Everything else that I remember was artifically implanted in my brain by my parents. Between my mother (a biochemist) and my father (an engineer), I’m sure they would have figured out how to do it.

At least, that was the theory until today when I stumbled across this photo tucked away in the basement between several dusty boxes.

Who the HELL is that? So I wasn’t born in a test tube?

Okay, so what? My theory just needs a few subtle touches. But here’s the idea: In order to throw off the authorities, my mum and dad adopted some poor sucker to act as my childhood imposter. After I was succesfully born à la test tube, my parents disposed of the child (in the most humane way, I’m sure), and years later, here I am.

I just realized moments ago that there are some very serious problems as to how IE is handling the HTML generated by some of my blog posts…which is resulting in some of my posts being displayed a single word per line.

It seems the site works fine on the better browsers out there (Firefox, Mozilla, Opera, …). And honestly, anybody that uses IE probably deserves what he/she gets. But I’ll try and fix the problem soon. Promise.

Hours later: I’ve managed to fix the problem. Thank you to Fudge from OCF for alerting me to the issue and Georg from the excellent CSS-Discuss forum for providing a fix. Things like this are important to catch, y’know.

After all, you can bet that when Satan checks out Phil’s Proof, he does it with Internet Explorer.