Wow. Just wow.

Either that man is one of the most egoistical geniuses I have ever met, or simply one of the most ignorant and brash shmucks in the world.

In any case, anybody that can make that statement with a straight face has the largest set of brass balls I can ever imagine.

So I was walking to my tutorial on Tuesday and carrying about 200 assignments and tests I had marked the previous week (don’t you dare scoff). The result: a stack of papers two and a half feet in height, cradled in my arms.

The students saw me. They pointed and laughed. I growled and threatened to fail their sorry asses. They laughed even more.

“I need my own goddamn assistant,” I mumbled to them, “who wants to be my TA?”.

And with that little joke, I waddled into the class, trying hard not to tip the stack of papers in my arms.

To: Phil
From: Student
Date: A few days ago
Subject: None

Hey, I was wondering if you wanted any help correcting some of the assignments. I saw you kind of overwhelmed with the assignments the other day and being the nice person I am, I want to help!

Cheers,
Student

Heeeeey! I get my own assistant! Can I get a secretary too? Anyways, I politely declined. The school would probably fire my ass for letting one of the students from the same class do the correcting.

I overheard a pair of teenaged girls while they were checking out the derrière of a valued customer at my local coffeehouse.

“Omigod. What. A. Cute. Ass.” said the brunette.

“Mmmm,” crooned the blonde as she nodded in agreement with a wistful look in her eyes.

They weren’t checking out my ass or anything — my taut and well muscled buttocks were firmly planted several seats away as I pretended to be engrossed in whatever mathematical gibberish lay before me.

What a riveting joyride into the psyche of a teenager.

“So you’re almost done your application, right?”, asks my supervisor.

“Yeah. Don’t worry about the other writeup. I had it checked by someone else.”

“I appreciate that. Who did you ask?”

“An English Professor.”

“Oh wow. You know one? It’s always nice to have friends like that, you know. Seeing how we’re in math.”

“Right,” I laughed, “trouble with stringing together complete sentences and all.”

Believe it or not, that’s about as much English as we’re required to write on a daily basis.

Back to work, then. I’ll be swamped with this crap until the end of the week.

Perhaps the single most uplifting thing in my life right now is the opportunity to teach other students. As soon as I walk into a room to lecture a class of 50 students, I can’t help but smile, laugh, and try and get them all excited about math. It’s the only time when I can truly be myself:

Today after the class one of the students walked up to me.

“I’ll see you next week”, I said.

She peered curiously at me for a second, the nodded emphatically.

“Do you know who you remind me of?”, she asked out of the blue, “Dr. House. You know, from the TV show?

I raised an eyebrow. “I remind you of a cranky, depressed medical doctor hopped up on Vicodin?”

“The way you teach the class. The constant sarcasm. The fact you absolutely love to see other people squirm. That silly smirk you always have on your face when you ask a question.”

I simply grinned.