“God,” she said, “why do you always have to be so…so…”
She stopped and her face scrunched up as she racked her brain for that perfect word that would send me into tears.
“…why do you have to be so…Phil all the time?”, she finally stated triumphantly, the emphasis on my name as if it was the most vile thing someone could possibly say to their TA.
I blinked once. Twice. Sighed wearily, and trudged away in silence.
In perhaps one of the most sincere and brilliant posts I’ve read in recent days, our soon-to-be elected leader talks about — well, the petty shit.
Yes, kids. I am talking to you.
If you are a male whose pants hang below your ass, you will be immediately arrested and taken to the Gap to get some drawers that fit. And then you will be beaten with the belt that could have saved you from this fate. Girls, you need to get some pants that fit, too. If I have to look at one more goddamn muffin top…
Hot Coffee Girl in More Petty Shit
And yes, I did have to look up the definition of what a muffin top is. I’m not quite as hip as the rest of you.
In fact, if you’re really hardcore about the way you toss around words like ‘muffin top’, you should be sure to read Lydia Steier’s article on the Urban Etymology of Muffin Tops.
Muffin Top is not exclusively a question of weight, or even fat distribution. It is far more a symptom of underfunctioning circumferential perception, in most cases combined with an unforgiveably shitty sense of fashion. (ex. stovepipe hiphuggers)
Lydia Steier on Muffin Tops
Because like, there’s nothing worse than being corrected by one of your gramatically bitchy homeboys.