People sometimes ask me why I have such distaste for the mobs of students who choose to major in Business, Commerce, or whatever.

“Why are you in Business?”, I’d ask.

“Business is where the money’s at, yo”, they’d said with a well practiced it’s-so-obvious shrug of the shoulders.

Of course, they have it all figured out. “School isn’t important in the real world,” they say, as if they know perfectly well what the ‘real world’ is like after watching countless re-runs of Donald Trump and The Apprentice.

“A degree is just a piece of paper and the real test is out there,” they say as they wave their hands absentmindedly into the horizon.

Well I’ve got news for you, buster.

How you choose to live your day-to-day life is a measure of how successful you’ll be in the future. If you swoop through your university days, madly cheating and only doing what you need to do to get that lone piece of paper, how exactly will you be different from the hordes of other business students out there?

The fact is, you won’t be. So buck up and stop convincing yourself that the real test is in 10 years time.

The real test is here and now.

As most of you have already heard, our good friend Hot Coffee Girl is indeed running in the US Elections. Recently, she’s announced the coveted positions of her administration and lo and behold there I was, listed under Secretary of Mathematics and Violins.

To: [Math Professor]
From: Phil
Date: Summertime
Subject: Discuss

Dear [Professor],

Pet Peeve #1: Guys who load up every barbell with 6 plates, then don’t bother to remove them when they’re done — leaving an annoying trail of loaded up stations everywhere they walk. Even more annoying than Pet Peeve #2: Wimpy guys who bring their chicks to the gym for the sole purpose of socializing, tying up the machines, and showing the rest of the world how nice their companion looks in fitted Nike gym wear.

Discuss.

Phil

To: Phil
From: [Math Professor]
Date: Summertime
Subject: Discuss

Very funny, Phil.

When you come down to a real gym you will see (somewhat) less of this. I have an even greater pet peeve: guys who load up a bar and can’t do anything properly with it, either a) looking idiotic, b) damaging the equipment in the process, or (God forbid), c) injuring themselves, their spotter if they have one, or other innocent bystanders in the process, or even d) all of the above.

[Signed, Math Professor]

P.S. I bet you look pretty hot in your fitted Nike gym wear. Ha, ha, ha!

Lately, I’ve been making mistakes. A lot of them. I’ve been watching my life spin in a million different directions, and I’ve noticed everything falling apart. Slowly, but surely.

I’ve been watching my grades fall. At this point there’s not much hope of repeating history and claiming the third and final Governor General’s Academic Medal. My research has been sidetracked by my academics, as well as my bids for graduate schools and graduate funding.

It doesn’t help that I’ve grown weary of school. I’ve been skipping classes I shouldn’t have skipped. I’ve frankly disowned the mathematical community at large and am turning into more of a recluse than ever before.

It’s hard. Because you see, without my academics, I’m nothing. Nada. Zip. Ziltch.

I’m known for my academic ability. I’m known not as a top student, but the top student. And if I give that position up, then what am I? Would I be just another one of a thousand faceless students?

If I can’t hang on to the only thing that makes me me, then what does that mean?

has-been  /ˈhæzˌbɪn/
–noun

1. a person or thing that is no longer effective, successful, popular, etc.

2. Phil. Loser.

I guess I’m starting to feel the effects of finishing undergrad so fast. I wish I was back in High School. I wish I could go to parties and get drunk. I wish I could just sit in the park and talk with a lovely girl I fancied, instead of sitting home alone at 4 in the morning, trying to understand Topology, Dynamical Systems, or whatever.

Oh, how I envy you guys.