I just don’t get it.

The blogs were strangely silent for weeks. Nothing worth talking about.

And then suddenly, everybody’s being all witty and shit.

Which totally jacks my shit. Cause, like, now I have to put in an effort to be all witty and shit.

So here’s a sampling of some of my internet friends, aquaintances, and peep shows.

Rhys, as fantastic as she is, only seems to attract the creepy guys.

Tracy [thanks to Ms. Chatty] has letters from the real Santa Clause.

And CP posted links to a hilarious 3-part series starring Mr. Clause, Mrs. Clause, Rudolph, and Jesus — in an unusual arrangement.

It’s definitely twisted and macabre, but amusing nonetheless.

Next post is going to be fantastic.

I’m showing you how to use math to make a move on that girl/guy you’ve totally had the hots for.

No shit. With great power comes great responsibility.

Spiderman taught me that.

And that’s the only reason why I haven’t used my math secrets to steal his Mary-Jane.

I’ve been nominated by a few readers as one of the Internet’s Sexiest Bloggers.

Get OUT, girlfriend.

In response to the multitude of flattering letters he’d recieved, J.R.R. Tolkien once said:

So my cheeks are all burning and it’s kind of hard to keep that silly grin off my face.

Hell, it has been over a year since I’ve gone out on a date and it’s no secret that my love life is about as passionate as a lump of coal.

So it’s just nice to know that people don’t think you’re draconian after all and maybe — just maybe — whatever happened in the past was just a fluke.

So excuuuuse me.

I’m going to go rummage around the closet.

“Mom! Moooom! Where’s that tiara I used to wear? And my shiny scepter?”

It’s reader mail like this that really makes my day.

To: Phil
From: Macarena
Date: December 14, 2006
Subject: The Sounds of BlogSilence

I don’t have Rhys’ e-mail address, so maybe you can muster the energy to forward this to her. Since y’all are so busy, I’ve written a goddamn post for y’all. It’ll keep your readers busy with comments until y’all can be bothered to post again. Here it is in its entirety:

Rhys + Phil = naked

To: Macarena, Rhys
From: Phil
Date: December 14, 2006
Subject: Re: The Sounds of BlogSilence

Absolutely positively scandalous! I don’t think I can deal with the uproar of my readers.

Besides, I don’t think Rhys would be terribly comfortable in that…equation.

- p

To: Macarena, Phil
From: Rhys
Date: December 14, 2006
Subject: Re: Re: The Sounds of BlogSilence

Bwahaha!! Awesome!! But where does G-Mac figure into it?

To: Phil, Rhys
From: Macarena
Date: December 14, 2006
Subject: Re: Re: Re: The Sounds of BlogSilence

WHOA!

Um, I can run the camera.

To: Macarena, Rhys
From: Phil
Date: December 14, 2006
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: The Sounds of BlogSilence

My mommy warned me about girls like you two.

don’t you care?

“Are you THAT busy?”

Kat, in leave me alone

To: Phil
From: Kat
Date: December 09, 2006
Subject: None

I hate you forever!

Do I have to remind you again?

I know it’s exam period for you, and that means it’s go time. But you care enough to set up all these fancy schmancy help sessions for your students…what about us? Let’s face it, bub. Your posts have hit a new low.

I know your super ego took a hit after the whole [fiasco] and after all your readers bitch slapped you, but that’s okay.

Just get back on your feet and post another stupid picture, mkay?

Kat xxx

To: Kat
From: Phil
Date: December 10, 2006
Subject: Re: None

Yes ma’am

Phil

I’m preparing a mock exam for my Business Algebra students. Tomorrow, I’m going to have the lot of them sit down and sweat through a 2 or 3 hour test.

It should be a real massacre — Two days before the real deal.

It’s moments like these when my sadism really shines through.

Hope it’s a decent crowd. You know I love a good show.