To: S.P.
From: Phil
Date: Recently
Subject: Re: girls — boooohoooo, snivel snivel, bleeeeh

Dude, why do you always have to be so emo?

Loads of people have have experienced way, way more distressing relationships than you: divorce, marriage, children, heartbreak, long relationships flushed down the drain, infidelity — the list goes on.

Now if you don’t pace yourself, how are you going to ever enjoy all these exciting opportunities?