To: The Internet <everybody@bigolinternet.com>
From: One Tired Canadian <phil@boohoo.sniff>
Date: March-ish
Subject: Before I go…

Dear Internet,

I think we should take a break.

I’m not saying we should break up. I love you, Internet. You know I loves you. But do you think it should be this hard?

You know how it is. I’d go out on one of my late nights and hang with the blokes from the office — Isaac, Henri, Leo, Paul, even Willy, with the freakish hair. And then I’d come home late, tired, and grumpy.

But you’d still do your best to coo me.

“I’m not in the mood,” I’d grumble, then crawl tiredly into bed while you looked so disheartened next to your disastrous attempts to prepare a home-cooked meal with Kraft pasta and slightly moldy cheese.

Maybe see other people? Focus on — more enriching areas of our lives. I don’t know, maybe you can find a hobby. How about taxidermy? You always wanted to do that, right? I’m holding you back, honey. You know that right? You’re too good for me.

I’m…I’m sorry, babe. You know it’s breakin’ me up inside. Yeah. Real bad.

I’ll see you in a month.

Exes and Ohs,
Phil

P.S. I heard back from all four schools I had applied to for a place to do my Ph.D. On top of the pile: three scholarships offering to pay full tuition and university expenses as well as full living costs for my tenure at two of the world’s most prestigious institutions — almost valued at $100,000.00 Canadian per year.

Except it won’t be in Canadian dollars. More like goats.

I’ve already made the decision of where I’ll be going. But you didn’t actually think I’d be telling you, did you? Where’s the fun in that? I’ll let you know my final decision when I come back. See ya in a month, babe!

P.P.S. And since I’m such a tease, here are some pretty pictures. See if you can guess.

This first school was the easiest to turn down, though I was pretty eager to work with one of the professors there — a real leader in his field of nonlinear waves. Unfortunately, the university is known more for its prowess in sports rather than in academia.

This second school was harder to turn down because I’d been in contact with the supervisor there, and he was a real fine chap: down to earth, hailing from Australia, and involved in some really fantastic research regarding nematicons in liquid crystal. The school is an ancient one — established sometime in the 1500s. A character from The Simpsons hails from the great nation where this school is found.

And that left two schools on my list. In the end, it wasn’t a terribly hard decision. In fact, it was pretty easy.

One of the schools had been kind, gracious, entirely accommodating, not to mention had offered me one heck of a substantial scholarship. The other school was rather grumpy — and this was the general impression I got from all their staff — from the faculty down to the administrators. Their offer for a place came with a full expenses paid scholarship as well, but the truth is — they weren’t very nice about it. Not nice at all.

Here is are the two schools in no particular order.

Be sure to e-mail me your guesses.

You take care.