You have no idea how hard it is to find a nice gift for a rich girl.

I mean, guys are easy. Alcohol always raises the spirits.

But girls, man, girls are always so hard. Girlfriends are easy, because the whole romantic crap comes naturally for me. But female friends? That’s a whole new ball game.

And then there’s the rich factor. What do you get a girl who has everything?

A Care Bear.

“Hi, I’m looking for a care bear,” I said, “but none of those post-2000 bears. I want one of the Original Ten.”

The sales girl peered at me strangely.

I counted off my fingers, “Funshine Bear, Grumpy Bear, Tenderheart Bear, Wish Bear, –”

“– I’m sorry,” she interrupted me before I could get through the Original Ten, “we don’t sell those here.”

I could see her shoulders quivering as she snickered silently.

And that’s how it went. Store after store. I must have stopped by a dozen places. Toys’R'Us, Carleton Cards, Hallmark, Special Moments, Zellers, you name it, I went there. All they had were crappy second-rate care bears. Badly mutated care bears. It was awful. A grizzly battlefield of cheap bears made by little Chinese labourers.

Then I went to the Carleton Cards at Billings Bridge Plaza.

You know that 1977 song by Dan Hill, “Sometimes When We touch”?

I almost felt like singing that song. Right there, smack middle in the shopping mall.

Holding my new bear.

“What’s yer’ name lil fella?” I asked.

“Shine Bright Bear,” she said.

Shine Bright Bear had one of those youthful, girly voices. You know, like a typical Disney character. ‘Cept it was so finely articulated that you just knew it was some 45 year old black guy behind that 12 year old itty bitty voice.

Anyways, Shine Bright Bear’s just perfect. She’s all about doing the best she can, and putting a special polish on things. Plus, she loves to dress up, being Care-Bear’s fashion princess and all.

She told me so.

And uh, it’s written on the card.