Just for a moment, close your eyes and think about what you want in life.
Maybe you want money. Maybe an education. A husband or a wife. A family. A big, beautiful home in a nice neighbourhood. These are all good examples, sure. But the problem is, they’re all long-term commitments.
See, that’s why some people never make it through university. First year may be a blast. They may be on their game first year. But once third year hits, attrition’s taken its toll and everyone’s tired. Weary of exams, grouchy professors, and ramen noodles.
Grad school? Screw grad school.
But working out. Ah. Now see, that’s an activity that has the potential for short-term rewards.
There’s a spectacular feeling when you head to the gym three, four, five times a week. Every time, it’s a test. Can you stack on a little bit more weight this week? Or muster another repetition before you collapse in exhaustion?
You leave the gym and you feel good. You feel big. More confident. Hell, your legs may be on fire and you may have trouble walking down the stairs, but you feel like you’ve done something with your day.
Which was one of the reasons why I was so eager to haul my ass over here to Oxford.
“Just wait you guys,” I said to my friends before leaving, “once I get there, I’ll be all over the gym. I’m gonna get huuuuuuge”
Then I grunted like Tim Allen.
A new environment, I reasoned, coupled with a world class university was sure to motivate me like never before.
And besides, the university itself boasted that each of its 39 different colleges had its own weightlifting gym, along with the main sports center, which had a separate powerlifting gym.
They so lied.
You see, the main Oxford University gym — which, by the way, everybody brags as like, the one gym to end all gyms — well, it’s not quite as advertised.
It is, to put it succinctly, a shithole.
A little bit larger than my dormitory living quarters, it boasts three old, gently rusting racks (a power rack, a squat rack, and a bench rack), two benches, a smattering of Olympic plates, and two shelves of dumbbells that only go up to 80 lbs.
At first, you think, sure, I can work with this. Small, but functional.
But then you start running into problems.
There is, for example, no parallel dips bar. No Smith machine. No seated or bent over row machine. No pulldown station. The weighted belts are broken. And so on, and so forth.
This kind of gym would be acceptable in say, a high school. Hell, even a second-rate university or college.
But this is Oxford for crying out loud.
This is the famous, hoity-toity, prestigious Oxford.
Is this decrepit hole-in-the-wall not shown when the thousands of tourists and prospective students come to inspect the school?
And where the fuck is my tens of thousands of dollars in tuition going if not the gym?
roselle says,
what “tens of thousands of dollars” are you talking of phil? aren’t you there on a friggin scholarship? also, i think maybe, they’re world renowned for building your mind and letting your body waste away! good luck finding a gym
Nicky says,
The thing is, I think, when a University gets to be as old as Oxford is, they lose touch with reality. They also lose track of time. So, when the gym was built back in 1943 or whatever it was, it was probably very state-of-the-art. In a country that’s been around as long as England, at a University that’s been around for 900 years, a mere 64 years is nothing. They don’t even feel that kind of time pass by. In their minds, they just built this thing, and it’s still awesome! They’re kind of adorable, like doddering grandparents, in that way. Sorry you were disapointed. I’m pretty sure there’s some good commercial gyms around town though. When I lived there, I just biked everywhere and it was surprisingly great for my overall fitness.
Dave says,
Phil doesn’t do cardio. Don’t talk to him about biking
Once, I was walking down a street with Phil, and it started to rain. I quickly upped my pace, only to look back and see Phil still taking his sweet ass time.
me: “Phil, you’re gonna get drenched! C’mon!!”
Phil: “F*** that, that’s like… cardio.”
Nuff’ said.
Phil says,
Dave: Believe it or not, I’ve been running at the track every single day since arriving here (mainly because the gym is so crapperific). I’d like to get back into track this year (and perhaps even rugby).
I looked up some of the past track records and competition standards here and they’re pretty horrendous. Nowhere near Canadian standards.
Sorry to disappoint.
Jon Weatherhead says,
That’s what I wanna know!
Jon Weatherhead says,
failed… Phil, add an empty div at the bottom of each post with a “clear:both;” style attribute.
Phil says,
Oh Jon, you’re such a noob.
But you’re redeemed by virtue of the fact you knew the fix.
Jon Weatherhead says,
yeah yeah; I break things regularly. If you’re acquainted with the Linux file system, I’ll tell you about how I deleted root at NavCanada. Come to think of it, I did a few stupid things at NavCanada…
Michelle says,
Yeah some english stuff is pretty behind the times, its like the monkey story, they’ve always had it that way for so long, that even if new people come into the picture the newbies end up doing it the same way its been done for years.
Dan says,
All I can say is Wow. I’ve been to Mexican prisons with better gyms than that!
Nishant says,
At least now you know why they want you to take a safety course. You need to be able to tell when steel beams have rusted all the way through and are about to come crashing down on you.
If each of the colleges has their own gym, one of them is bound to have been recently renovated. Don’t give up man. I’ll be highly disappointed if I can lift more than you the next time we meet.