Today, I did the unthinkable.
I did something I said I’d never do.
I joined Facebook.
Yeha. I did. I can’t go back and undo it now.
“Suddenly, when all your friends have been reduced to teensy avatars, canned quotations, and endless ‘favourites’ lists, they don’t seem quite as special as you may have once remembered them.”
The problem with Facebook is that it’s sort of like having a relationship with a cheap hooker. Or at least, how I always imagined it to be. It’s cheap, quick, and I suppose, the overwhelming sense of satisfaction afterwards is enough to override any residual feelings of guilt you may have had going into the whole mess.
On the other hand, there’s nothing particularly special about it. In the long run, it’s just not that satisfying.
There’s an uncomfortable disconnect when you use Facebook. For one thing, the site is designed to shed light on people’s personal lives. It’s suppose to reveal everything you’d want to know about your friend, your friend’s friend, or (more likely) that girl you met the other night. It’s supposed to connect people.
But because the information is so effortless and so unkempt, it fights against the very purpose it was designed to do!
It becomes impersonal.
Suddenly, when all your friends have been reduced to teensy avatars, canned quotations, and endless ‘favourites’ lists, they don’t seem quite as special as you may have once remembered them.
So I’m updating my profile and I see several options about Current Relationships.
I frown very slightly, check ‘Single’ (because I am), and check all the boxes under ‘Looking for…’, which includes ‘Friends’, ‘Relationship’, ‘Dating’, ‘Random Play’ (play what?), and ‘Whatever I can get’ (what does that mean?).
Hey, I’m not picky.
Immediately, a cutesy heart shows up on my profile along with, ‘Phil is listed as single’.
What the hell?
It’s not that I’m not single (I am), nor is it that I’d be terribly disappointed if I were to catch the eye of say, a gorgeous, leggy girl that mommy would wildly approve of. It’s rather the fact I want to be able to say, “Phil is listed as single but…”
I need that ‘but’.
That ‘but’ is the story of my life. That ‘but’ is so I can tell riveting stories about my tragic singleness and my unyielding search for Ms. Right.
The ’single’ part — pssh — that’s just the title. The ‘but’ part, that my friend, that’s the journey.
The bottom line is, we all have our own wants and needs. We all have intriguing stories to tell and life-defining experiences to relive. But what’s important is that we should all aspire to tell it our way.
Facebook is like that girl who comes to the party dressed in the low cut blouse, skirt showing off everything, and well, wearing nothing much else. You know who I’m talking about.
She walks in. We all gape. Eyebrows hit the ceiling. Jaws hit the ground. And that’s about it.
Because, really, it’s just a turnoff. When someone goes to such lengths to bare all, there’s nothing left of interest. There has to be an air of mystery. There has to be room for imagination.
Facebook, with it’s cheap, fast, easy, and naked virtues is that kind of girl.
So why — why in the world — would I do it?
Why would I join Facebook?
Because I’m a fucking hypocrite, okay?
Oh, don’t look at me like that. I’ve totally searched all of y’all.
So I know that you know that I know that you’re on Facebook, too.
Now go ahead and add me so you can entertain my pet polar bear, Sprinkles.
Jon Weatherhead says,
Phil, welcome to Facebook.
It’s only as bad as you make it; Don’t put your life story in your profile and just use it to look everyone’s photos, so you can see the life you’re missing out on (jk). It’s just a glorified photo album (but very well designed, might I add)
Nishant says,
I can’t believe you did it. You and I were the only ones left who didn’t have Facebook, Phil. Now…you’re one of them. Way to go man…
Techfun says,
An Excellent Quote from Phil’s Proof, or
Why I don’t do Facebook or MySpace
I really liked this quote from a blog post on the problems with the big social networking sites. Don’t get me wrong, social networking sites that are targets can be great. [… But] I just find places like Facebook and MySpace a bit creepy.
[Read here]
Tracy says,
Yeha. I did. I can’t go back and undo it now.
Actually you can undo it. Just delete your account. We’d have been none the wiser!
And when the hell did you get comments? I used to come here all the time but no comments annoyed me! You should have sent out a bulletin to all your fans!
Nini says,
So I too finally did it! Too late, perhaps, like everything else in life… LOL! but hey! and I got so quickly addicted its scary. In fact its driving me crazy bc for the last 2 days- either there is a virus or something bc I cant access Facebook. I live in the UAE and at first I thought they had censored and blocked the site as they have Orkut- but nah… other friends are at it they tell me… so here I am trying pretty much everything to find out what the hell is wrong- and I stumbled upon your blog. rather well written. way to go.
annie says,
I don’t do Face book. And my MySpace is FAKE. I just have it so I can log-in and laugh at people.
And don’t you post no breast-feeding pics on Facebook. That’s NASTY and they’ve forbidden it!
Dave says,
You created a myspace account so you could log into it and laugh at other people who have also created myspace accounts?
annie says,
I created a FAKE MySpace account, so I could laugh at the crap people put out there on their MySpace PAGES, including what I consider very personal information about themselves. It’s amazing what people put out there, along with their zip code and places where they hang out. I’ve recognized quite a few of my neighbors and people about town.
Also, if you’re a parent, I would tell your child to put a fake zip code. Really I would.
Annie says,
Hi Phil!
I started reading your blog a few months ago after following a link in a really long post you made in the carletonu livejournal community, though i completely forget what it was about now…but i’m now your fan & just wanted to comment to let you know who the random girl about to pet Sprinkles is, cause doing so gets me 5 munny to feed my hungry panda =)
Phil says,
Tracy: Sorry! The comments were started only recently — August 2nd, so you haven’t missed much! And I like to keep it slightly ‘hidden’ this way as to only attract serious readers.
Dave: annie (as opposed to the above Annie) is just like that. She has a unique personality.
Annie: That’s alright, Annie. Feel free to pet Sprinkles as much as you like. He’s a super friendly polar bear.
Payne says,
Some very good thoughts on the nature of social sites. I hear your point about revealing too much but think that sometimes you almost have to.
When someone is reading your blog you don’t know what one subject it is that will grab their attention. For me it’s normally heartfelt honesty that catches my eye.
I agree it’s nicer to add a touch of mystery but in reality you can’t really play hard to get with the internet world can you? All a reader will do is move onto one of another million blogs.
Keep up the good work. Your blog design is one of the clearest and freshest out there. Can’t believe you were over in the UK, though to be fair I’ve only just got back from Florida. Apologies on behalf of us for the misery’s you encountered when trying to palm off your dodgy currency!!
Payne says,
Sorry that was meant to read ‘Are over in the UK’ as having reading further back (catching up after the hols and pre holiday 2 month hiatus) I see you’ve actually moved here.
If you need any further tips on detergent (I shared your same concerns when using Tide in the hotel laundry room in Orlando) or other british stuff let me know. Always happy to help the Man of Steel.
Abhisek Bora says,
I first read an article about your blog in the “P.C WORLD” magazine(february 2008 issue) and i couldn’t help but check out your blog. Mr. Phil, your blog is really coooooooooollllllllllllllll………., and its worth being shortlisted for an award!!!!