Having just arrived back in Oxford after my week long stay in Ottawa, I’m tired.

Tired and not in the mood for deep discussions about everything 2007 was or wasn’t to me. And so here I am, spending the winding moments of 2007 in my room, eating oatmeal, listening to the distant fireworks and church bells blaring in the background, and writing to you.

The funny thing is, it doesn’t feel like the New Year. Having just left Ottawa and in full recognition that over there, the New Year doesn’t really happen for another four hours or so, I’m left wondering, where’s my New Year?

Do I even get one?

But no deep thoughts tonight, remember?

2007 was a year of change.

To say that nothing happened would be a gross understatement. I received half a dozen scholarships, got my Master’s, was briefly famous, taught maths in Kenya, moved to another country, published a paper, and the list goes on.

Oh, and then I met Anna Stern.

It’s been a turbulent year. A flashy, glitzy year.

In fact, I can’t help but think that this just might be the peak to my otherwise uneventful and unassuming life to follow.

So with all of this happening, why is it then that I feel hollow and empty? These things…these accomplishments and supposedly joyous occasions simply whiz by. I work hard, but when it’s time to collect, I just shrug and say, “meh”.

By then, anyways, I’ve moved on to the next task at hand.

A few weeks ago, I asked a friend what he was planning to do after graduating.

“Are you considering a Master’s?” I asked.

“Maybe,” he said casually.

“You know the deadline for scholarships has passed,” I said.

“Oh”.

He could not have sounded less concerned.

“Maybe a job?” I asked.

He shrugged. “To be honest, I’m not really worried what happens after graduating,” he explained. “The thing is, I’m happy right now. Life is great. Friends and family are great. If I get a graduate position, great — if not, I’ll graduate and just see what happens.”

I was surprised at that. Perplexed, even.

But more than that, I was jealous.

I’ve never been able to say that. I’ve never been able to say, “I’m happy right now”.

Because it’s never now. I’ve always ran with aspirations of big payoffs in the future. But these big payoffs — haven’t they happened already?

Wasn’t this year — 2007 — the year it happened?

So I ask you, dear readers, why am I still running?

You know, there’s this time in every teenager’s life when the girl or guy of his or her dreams appear, backlit with the surreal glow of the heavens and hair blowing dramatically like in those shampoo commercials.

This is way, way before cynicism and bitterness sets in and we realize that in reality, people don’t actually come out of the factory set to these heavenly specs.

For weeks, I’ve been trying to write about mine. You know, the girl who once appeared to me as if sent via Express Post from God.

But the words never seem to come out right.

Merry Christmas, guys.

Special thanks to Dave and Maxine who sent me yummy cookies from all the way over the Atlantic.

What people seem to misunderstand is that an RSVP on an invitation, or a répondez s’il-vous-plait — literally French for ‘please respond’, doesn’t mean only those who wish to attend are expected to reply, but everybody.

It’s just simple courtesy.

And on that note, before leaving the office for my week-long Christmas break this past Friday, I snapped this picture from the door of a faculty member.

Today, it snowed for the first time this winter.

See that light dusting on the ground? That’s it.

Meanwhile, back home…