Having just arrived back in Oxford after my week long stay in Ottawa, I’m tired.
Tired and not in the mood for deep discussions about everything 2007 was or wasn’t to me. And so here I am, spending the winding moments of 2007 in my room, eating oatmeal, listening to the distant fireworks and church bells blaring in the background, and writing to you.
The funny thing is, it doesn’t feel like the New Year. Having just left Ottawa and in full recognition that over there, the New Year doesn’t really happen for another four hours or so, I’m left wondering, where’s my New Year?
Do I even get one?
But no deep thoughts tonight, remember?
2007 was a year of change.
To say that nothing happened would be a gross understatement. I received half a dozen scholarships, got my Master’s, was briefly famous, taught maths in Kenya, moved to another country, published a paper, and the list goes on.
Oh, and then I met Anna Stern.
It’s been a turbulent year. A flashy, glitzy year.
In fact, I can’t help but think that this just might be the peak to my otherwise uneventful and unassuming life to follow.
So with all of this happening, why is it then that I feel hollow and empty? These things…these accomplishments and supposedly joyous occasions simply whiz by. I work hard, but when it’s time to collect, I just shrug and say, “meh”.
By then, anyways, I’ve moved on to the next task at hand.
A few weeks ago, I asked a friend what he was planning to do after graduating.
“Are you considering a Master’s?” I asked.
“Maybe,” he said casually.
“You know the deadline for scholarships has passed,” I said.
“Oh”.
He could not have sounded less concerned.
“Maybe a job?” I asked.
He shrugged. “To be honest, I’m not really worried what happens after graduating,” he explained. “The thing is, I’m happy right now. Life is great. Friends and family are great. If I get a graduate position, great — if not, I’ll graduate and just see what happens.”
I was surprised at that. Perplexed, even.
But more than that, I was jealous.
I’ve never been able to say that. I’ve never been able to say, “I’m happy right now”.
Because it’s never now. I’ve always ran with aspirations of big payoffs in the future. But these big payoffs — haven’t they happened already?
Wasn’t this year — 2007 — the year it happened?
So I ask you, dear readers, why am I still running?
Dan says,
Let me be the first to commence what should be a “bandwagony” flood to wish you Happy New Years on this site.
Allow me to also leave you with a very fitting quote about happiness and the pursuit thereof:
“Happiness is not something you experience, it’s something you remember.” -Oscar Levant
I can’t remember where I first heard that one… I’m just kind of hoping I didn’t accidentally steal it off this site.
Lina says,
Why are you still running? I guess in logical thinking, happiness to you would be a great amount of success. But sometimes, happiness should be something you gain from your memories. Perhaps you should take a break from everything and do a bit of soul searching. It’s quite ironic, you push yourself to the limits in hopes of being satisfied and happy with yourself, when in actuality you haven’t allowed yourself to enjoy the moments that meant the most…
Stace says,
It’s always the way, isn’t it?
I went to college, University, thinking it’s what would make me happy, but…
In the end, it’s the little things; talking to friends, reading a good book, laughing at films/TV/whatever.
I’ve always wondered - Once you’ve reached your ultimate goals, what’s left after that to enjoy? It’s the stuff you pick up along the way that truly stays with you.
Rhys says,
Dude, I’ve missed so much…I’ve missed you! You rocked 2007 like every other year. You are the best. But yeah, you should take a moment to savor and enjoy it sometimes…you damn well earned it.