Living in university residence and on the college mailing list, you tend to be privy to quite a few interesting e-mails. E-mails written out of anger, however, tend to be divided into two categories: laundry rage (when someone steals your slot) and kitchen/food rage (when someone leaves mess or steals your food or kitchenware).
These e-mails also provide an interesting idea of cultural differences. Here’s two. The rambling, passive aggressive one is written by a British doctoral student regarding stolen kitchenware. The short, concise one is written by an American Marshall scholar from Los Angeles.
Enjoy.
From: The British Scholar
To: Everybody
Date: Sometime in June
Subject: Beware of Vanishing Objects
My 8 inch Wusthof-Trident Chef’s Knife, which I’ve owned since my restaurant days, seems to have disappeared from my carry-all in the North Wing Ground floor kitchen during the last week. Aside from the obvious sentimental value, its loss would be bearable had not my 10 inch Chef’s knife disappeared from the Martin Ground floor kitchen 3 days ago. Now we seem to be left with flimsy serrated knives which, if utilised to cut anything substantial, like say a butternut squash, will most likely snap and take out someone’s eye (and, of course, chopping anything is now out of the question).
I should also note that my toaster disappeared from our kitchen 2 weeks ago, and my industrial food processor sometime in Michaelmas–not to mention the loss of roughly 10 roasting pans in the last 2 years.
(1) If any of you have said items could you please return them
and,
(2) Is anyone else experiencing the same type of kitchen related separation anxiety?
Balliol MCR……effortlessly superior, or merely dirtbags?
It’s up to you.
- [The Brit]
From: The American Scholar
To: Everybody
Date: Sometime in June
Subject: Ice cream theft
To whoever helped themselves to my entire carton of ice cream in the Dellal ground floor kitchen — I hope you enjoyed it immensely. Because when I find you, I am going to remove your face.
- [The American]
Jonathan Weatherhead says,
“To Fuss is Human, To Rant, Divine!!”
— Cited from Bellair’s ‘Curse of the Blue Figurine’
Going off on a tangent, did anyone else enjoy being thrilled by John Bellair’s horror novels as a child?
Dave says,
HAHAHA that’s hilarious Phil! Man, the guy lost so much friggin kitchenware, what gives?
NYCWD says,
Obviously the American has his priorities right. Ice cream is way more valuable than cutlery, toasters, and food processors.
I would wonder, were I truly the British scholar borne of the likes of Sherlock Holmes, how exactly does the American plan on removing someone’s face?
It’s elementary! Only a 8 inch Wusthof-Trident Chef’s Knife would be able to achieve such a feat!
Nishant says,
He should set a trap. A big tub of ice cream that when touched sets off a taser that shoots the thief. The problem is that you guys are too domesticated. Uh sorry, I meant civilized.
Baby says,
You know, Phil, it might not be a UK vs. US thing. What are these dudes’ majors? That could say a lot. Math people, by their very nature, get straight to the point in as few words as possible. UK dude totally sounds like a philosophy major.
Phil says,
> Math people, by their very nature, get straight
> to the point in as few words as possible.
Not really. Foreign people, definitely. But in general, I haven’t noticed any significant difference between non-maths and maths in this capacity.
I, on the other hand, like to take my sweet time getting to the point. So much time, in fact, that I rarely reach it altogether.
The American is a political science student. The Brit is a historian. In general, it’s really difficult to tell who’s who just on the basis of their major.
annie says,
That is hilarious!
Yes, I find British people so polite and more trusting; to have lost ALL that stuff and still leave more laying about.
The American guy with the ice cream? No doubt, by now has bought his own small refrigerator for his room to hoard his food. We’re selfish pigs.
Phil says,
You know, annie, I don’t really support the Oh-the-british-are-so-polite stereotype.
I don’t find the British any more polite than say, the Americans or the Canadians. They do, however, have a more reserved nature about them, which people interpret as politeness.
In general, I find Americans (and to a certain extent, Canadians) louder, more vocal, and more open — at least in public situations (read my post on carrots and ice cream a few weeks back). People generally interpret this as a bad thing, but it’s not always. One of the positive effects is that it’s easier to chat up strange girls in NA than in the UK.
In the comfort of a pub or a home and among friends, pretty much everybody is the same.
Except the French. Nobody likes the French.
some girl says,
I remember well the days of roommates and communal floors. I had a roommate my freshman year that would hide her food in various places, but freely help herself to mine. I didn’t mind as much as the year went on, as she got ginormously fat and I didn’t.
There is justice in this world, catty as it may seem.
Jonathan Weatherhead says,
AHAHAHA Ah how sweet that poetic justice.