blogging awards

I know it’s shallow
but it makes me feel like a man!

Hey, apparently some of my (no doubt intoxicated) readers think I’m pretty smashing!

So they’ve nominated me for several blogging awards, which usually goes around this time of year.

Now I know signing up to vote is like, the most painful request I can ask of you. But don’t you think I’m worth it?

Don’t answer that. Jerk.

Anyways, the signup is not so bad. A quick form, and a quick e-mail, and it’ll all be over.

And just think of all the new friends I’ll get if I win. Wouldn’t that be neat? I’m a bit tired of my current batch, anyways.

Here’s another Night-Ku, inspired by Rhys who’s trying to one-up me with her poetry about Tom Cruise.

Women are trouble.
How much do you want for that
inflatable doll?

A few curious (and I think, slightly miffed) readers e-mailed me, basically asking me why I was so keen on ditching the blog instead of keeping it semi-regularly updated.

Oh, and there was some crack about my fear of committment.

I do not have a fear of commitment. Bring on the marriage, sissies!

The truth is, blogging is a always a massive effort for me. When I created this blog, the one promise I made to myself was that I’d always lean towards quality rather than quantity. About half the blog posts I write, I put quite a bit of thought into, while the other half is more on-the-spot incoherent rambling.

This is one of the reasons why I’m so fond of verbatim conversations, e-mails, and mock letters. They’re usually funny and cute, but fantastically easy to write. Some of my favourites include,

1. The look and the final tutorial
2. I’ll have you know, I was quite the charmer
3. To the girl crossing the street

The more creative/literary ones are always a pain to write. Notable standouts include,

1. Aisle 9: Soup, Pasta, Sauces (A personal favourite)
2. To possibilities (The first ever post)

The worst are the math posts. There haven’t been many, and it’s been more a testament to my ability to break commitments and promises than my ability to explain math to the laymen. The problem is that each one of these posts takes several hours. Figures need to be drawn, scanned in, edited, then presented.

In truth, I’ve already written about 90% of the second followup to my big projects,

1. The Mathematics of Attraction
2. Mathematics of Fluids

But they were never perfect. And I need things to be perfect. Being perfect and being polished is part of what makes me such an obnoxious bastard interesting blogger, and I’d say they’re both good reasons why so many readers eventually come crawling back for more.

My single post on the use of mathematics in facial recognition,

1. Brad gets Aniston and I get…math?

is a good example of the kind of polish I expect. That entry took me close to 4 hours to write. About an hour and a half to do the writing, another hour to draw the diagrams, scan them in, and post-process them, half an hour to do some research on the web, and about an hour to put everything together and get the coding perfect.

But that’s what you want, right?

The truth is, leaving my blog largely neglected to fester and rot while I tend to my studies is a bad, bad idea.

There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. My company is no different.

And that’s why it’s always going to be a stupid idea to marry me.

Ten minutes and thirty-six seconds.

That’s the exact amount of time that passed from when I opened this page to write a post, to when I actually started writing.

The truth is, a lot’s happened in the past few weeks.

But from an entirely different perspective, nothing’s really changed, so I guess nothing of worth has actually happened.

I guess all this makes a really boring blog.

It’s been an emotional time for me as I fight tooth and nail to complete my Master’s degree for the spring convocation. Grades have dropped, mood swings are at an all time high, teaching sucks, and for some stupid reason, the more stressed I get, the more I start thinking about the past.

White flashbacks.

That’s what I’ve been getting. You know, like when people in movies get bopped on the head, hit by an express train, or shot in the chest.

Memories of old high school classes, students, and teachers, memories of carefree summers, and most of all, memories of past relationships.

You can tell I’m being really generous tacking on that ’s’ at the end of ‘relationship’.

And although I don’t like to admit it, there’s a good chance this year will be the year. You know, the year things finally change. The year when things get better.

I say that every year.

“I thought you were going on a hiatus,” a reader asked me.

Yeah, I was planning on going on a hiatus weeks ago.

The truth is, I gave serious thought to wrapping up the pre-hiatus posts with some superb and enlightening commentary, then realized that it would actually be more work to come up with something witty and charming, because I’m so sorely lacking in those particular qualities.

So I decided it would really be less work to just keep on posting.

You know, in a half-assed kind of way.

But now with everything being so, well, so everything, I’ve decided that it’d be real stupid to keep up the pretense of updating my blog. Besides, I’ve noticed a serious dwindling in the quality of my writing.

So I’ve decided to invoke my hiatus threat, this time for real.

But you didn’t think I’d be going without a goodbye did you?

You need a good reason to come back. I know that. You know that.

So make sure you read my pre-hiatus post in the next few days for your one last dose of Phil’s Proof. Because you’ll be getting none of the good stuff — at least for a while.

And voila.

A special October-themed design, hastily whipped up in a few hours time. I know it’s not great. It could be more morbid, more disgusting, more extravagant. And right now, the damn blood looks like turnip juice and everything is just so PG-13.

But I’m tired. And I wanna go eat some munchies, so piss off.

Drop me a line and tell me what you think. It was all for you, baby.

For those of you who’ve e-mailed me with words of encouragement and sympathy, thank you. You guys are truly the best of friends.

I know this site’s been glum as of late. I know I’ve been glum. And I know you want something exciting, something wild, something bold! You want naked chicks and monster trucks. You want chainsaws and filet mignon. You want change!

And so I’m devoting a few hours this afternoon for you, my lovable, fuckable readers. Stay tuned for a nice October-themed surprise.